I like good days. The days when I can keep it all in perspective, or rather the days that I draw near again to God. The days that He allows peace and joy and smiling and actually feeling emotions beyond pain. I have tried so hard to just be where God has me~ the good, the bad, the ugly. I don't like the ugly. I don't like the pain or the heartache or the despair of grief. But God leads us there sometimes. Maybe to see the depth of sin that lead to death? Maybe to hold us closer? Maybe so on the good days we cling to Him all the more? 
Some of these posts I might shut off the comments on, dear friends. They are more of a spewing, or bursting, that has to come out lest they consume me. I need to write them and leave them here, coming back to them if or when I need to, but leaving them without any outside influence except Gods. Does that make sense? I love receiving your encouraging comments more than you all know, but sometimes I fear I write to please the people for their applause rather than for my own sake or God's glory. Just know that when the comments are shut off those are my posts of being honest and raw, especially with myself, without the fear of man. When or if God leads me to keep those posts private I will, but so far I am called to be real and public. Imagine that~ not always smiling, but a real person in the real struggle of life. But if the comments are open please feel free to share your comments because I am an affirmation person through and through!
Today is a good day, at least a good morning. Only one episode of longing, close to tears, a desperate wanting of my son. I have made it a requirement that before I open my eyes and crawl out of bed I praise God and thank Him for letting Trent be in heaven. Acknowledging God's sovereignty and goodness to His children. Reminding Him and myself of the sweet verses in Scripture. Never will He leave me or forsake me; I am in the palm of my Heavenly Fathers hands; God is leading me; nothing can separate me from the love of Christ, not even death; God causes all things to work for the good of His children; these present sufferings will not be worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us; eternity is a very, very long time and I get to enjoy it all with Trent.
"I know that joy does not depend on circumstances; it depends on my openness to allowing Your Spirit to have control in my life. Lord, I surrender my life to You today. Make me to be known as a person of great joy." Author unknown. You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11
Ya want real? That's the real me! Yes, Dalyn, Grace did capture my personality! "Get back here dog!" At least I think it was the dog I was yelling at rather than the kid who was trying to climb over the chicken coop door. Have a great day friends and lurkers!
"I know that joy does not depend on circumstances; it depends on my openness to allowing Your Spirit to have control in my life. Lord, I surrender my life to You today. Make me to be known as a person of great joy." Author unknown. You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11
3 comments:
I, for one, totally understand your need to vent/post/release, and without the need for comment. Thank you for the explanation though. FYI, when I see you smile, I immediately start humming "It is well with my soul...". Did you know the man who wrote that hymn lost his only son to illness, and then lost his remaining four daughters as they were sailing on a boat...it's a pretty amazing, albeit sad, story. As he was meeting up with his wife (she survived the boat disaster), and he was sailing by the very spot where the boat had sunk, and he began writing this hymn...Horatio Spafford. His faith is no more than yours...you are in the same class ~ loving God our Father. Why you are put to such a test, only He knows, but you are such an inspiration to others. Thank you for continuing to share your story each day.
"It is well with my soul" has been one of my favorite songs for years Sherry. It is actually the song we chose to close Trent's funeral with because it really is well with our souls to let God have His sovereign plan in our lives. It hurts and we can't see it clearly now, but there is no doubt that our trust is only in God through this. Your sweet words always bring me such encouragement and joy:))
It's good to see you in front of the camera for a bit ... your smile is nice too! Starting each day in prayer and reciting scripture is an awesome way to remind yourself of God's promises and His goodness. This is a practice I have too. I draw such strength for the day from this. Be Blessed!
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