I know it was Thanksgiving last week. I know it was deer hunting opener last week. And I know I didn't post about it. It took enough energy to get through the days, let alone trying to decide how it all went or how I felt about it.
I think, really, that I just didn't want to have to remember the firsts without Trent. I didn't want pictures of another holiday without him. I didn't want a group-shot of blaze-orange hunters without seeing his face in the midst of them. I didn't want to make a paper-mache pinyata, or decorate it, or fill it with candy, or wait for what should have been his turn to take a swing.
I couldn't make taco soup this year for all those hungry guys, and maybe I won't next year either. And I was never so grateful as to have such a goofy daughter and nobody else in the kitchen to fight over whose turn it was to grind the cranberries. I couldn't decorate a turkey cookie, let alone eat one, and I counted myself lucky to have such a good helper to get through mixing the half-dozen frosting colors.
The Spoons table and the hugging sisters did me in. Trying to tell a friend why it meant so much to me that he loved my son and had taken the time to teach him how to cook sucker-lips on a stick about did us both in. Seeing that group of 13 kids, and knowing that one was missing, and knowing that they were knowing that one was missing, makes eternity seem a long ways off.
But there was still lots to be thankful for; lots. Friends and family in abundance: friends from down the road and friends from half-way across the world. Not-so-new babies, Grandma's and Grandpa's, aunt's and uncles, big kids and teen-agers who seemed like just yesterday they were the babies. More food and pie than what would even fit on my kitchen island and counter tops, and seeing the real advantage of someday having a front porch and a pantry.
Last year all I wanted was to have the bathroom remodeling project finished before Thanksgiving company came again. This year all I wanted, painted ceiling or not, was to simply enjoy the loved one's that God has put in our lives. And I did; I really did.