An attempt to declare the Glory of God for what He has chosen to do with our lives. A legacy to leave to my children in the telling of it.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Longing All the More

This is what the Lord says, He who made the earth, the Lord who formed it and established it~ the Lord is His name: "Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

Jeremiah 33:2-3

My eyes are focused on heaven today. At the same time my mind and my hands are here to love and nurture those that God gave me to love and nurture. A gal commented to me the other day that we will eventually get over this period of grief where all we think about is heaven and being there ourselves one day. She assured me that I would live enjoying this world again. I'm not sure that I want to get back to that point. If that is the desired goal of grieving, just to live here, then I rather prefer to stay where I'm at.

The temptation to consider every day of the rest of my life nearly overtook me. From this perspective of the still fresh pain of grief, I was almost consumed in the pain of considering how to fight this fight every single day that I wake up here without Trent. I almost ran ahead, worrying about tomorrow, forgetting what God has already done in the past every single day that I have woke up without Trent here. God brought me back to here; to this very moment, to this taste of His grace, to this overwhelming peace. He assured me that it would be there then, too, but not until I got there and needed it.

I look around and watch others living, grieving, seeking God. I observe the similarities of how God works, as well as the diversity of it. God has narrowed my "window" down to the immediate: my family. He's closed me in, so to speak, and shown me the importance of these little souls. This is the "world" that He has called me to. Not to a foreign land; He has brought the foreign land to me. This is my mission field. If I fail here, I am no good "out there". When I am faithful here, He let's anything that's left overflow to touch lives. And He has blessed me in the overflow; I am daily praising Him for that overflow.

At times, my "window" opens a crack and I rejoice in the glimpses of the good works I see Him performing. For friends who encourage and pray, for lives that are touched when all I want to do is hide on my little goat farm, for grown men who repent, for teen-age girls He has allowed me to watch as He transforms their lives, for little hearts who are grieving, too, and the mother that cries out to Him to give her the grace and wisdom to keep on loving.

And then I long for heaven even more, and the day I will see clearly all of His good works.


pilgrimscottage said...

I have found that often when starting to feel too comfortable in my life here on earth, the Lord sends along something uncomfortable to remind me that it is our heavenly home with Him I need to focus on.

Brenda said...

Terri - I long for heaven too. Not because my brother is there ... not because all my grandparents and several aunts and uncles are there ... but because that's where I'm going to see my Savior face to face and be in His presence continually without the distractions of this world. Sometimes I just ask Him to take me on home, but He assures me that He's not finished with me here yet.

I pray His continued grace for you and your family for each day till He decides it's time to bring you home too. Blessings!

OurCrazyFarm said...

I agree Brenda! It's ultimately Jesus that we long for; for the curse to be lifted, and to see His face and be in His presence.

A lady had told me this summer, when talking about losing her husband to death, yet trusting Jesus, that when she gets to heaven she's going to run right past "Ronnie" and cling to her Savior first. Amen! The loss of those we love only makes the longing for heaven deeper.

Again, such words of wisdom, Pilgrimscottage.

*~*~*~*~Tonia said...

When asked before why I didnt do more bible studies and such I didnt know what to say till God reminded me that I am responsible for the souls in MY household. My kids are just as important and the ones that I need to put my effort into my World!