An attempt to declare the Glory of God for what He has chosen to do with our lives. A legacy to leave to my children in the telling of it.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

To Smile Again

I don't know, anymore, how to delight in the simple joys of this life. I can only vaguely recall what it felt like to get out of bed with my only thought being that of looking forward to coffee, and sneaking down the stairs before the kids or the dogs woke up to enjoy the quiet of the morning curled up with my Bible in the recliner. I can't remember what it felt like to just play with my kiddos who are still here without this dull ache in my chest, or the fear of loving them so much, or enjoying them too much, or praying such big things for their lives. To all curl up on the couch with a good book used to be a treasure, now the thought brings tears. Pizza-and-movie night often finds me avoiding looking at the corner of the couch that Trent always claimed. I can hardly remember what it used to be like.

Or maybe I can, and that's what scares me.



I'm smiling on the outside, but the inside still hurts.



6 comments:

Sherry Sutherby http://russ-stickacres.blogspot.com/ said...

Patient in affliction. So difficult. I just posted this Blog on my Facebook page. So many hurting people can relate... Can you fathom facing this without the love of Jesus? I can't even begin to imagine the darkness.

Michelle said...

Prayers for peace, and I can only imagine how you must feel, I would feel the same. Bless you as the Lord continues to work in your lives granting peace that passes all understanding.

Dalyn (AKA The Queen of Quite Alot) said...

You go on and smile sugar.

pilgrimscottage said...

The hurt stays for a long time. Just keep looking to the Lord and He will someday take it away. It doesn't mean you will stop missing Trent... you will be given the sun, again.

Donna OShaughnessy said...

And soon the "firsts" will start coming faster than you can tolerate. The first Thanksgiving, the first Christmas etc...So go easy on yourself. Maybe you will cry at your soapmaking class and maybe its because someone there has the need to comfort you.

Let them.

PS great yummy bars of soap !

Shoshannah said...

Heaven must seem nearer to you now. I am sorry for your aching and that it never goes away. I wish I could take it for your for a time so that you could be refreshed. I have the aching of a child who is not living for Christ and is a young adult now. I hope I will see her in Heaven, but I don't know.
I care very much, as many who read your blog do, that you are going through this heavy trial. May God continue to draw you closer through it and may it be such a benefit to you that this huge ache seems well worth the pain someday.