An attempt to declare the Glory of God for what He has chosen to do with our lives. A legacy to leave to my children in the telling of it.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I Love You More



If I love you more, will you love me less?

2 Corinthians 12:15



"I love you more." It's been a regular saying around our house for years. I think it started out with a little bunny book nearly a decade ago when we didn't know what tweens or teen-agers were. "I love you more." The battle still continues today, especially at bedtime, especially with a little tween girl. It's a good battle.


I heard God whisper it today as I sat in my broken recliner, drinking my hazelnut flavored coffee, looking out over the frosty yard, hair uncombed, listening to four kids (who were supposed to be) quietly working on school books, or lost in their own little world with God. "I love you. I love you more."


My morning rejoicing over Trent being in heaven has gone to a morning contentment lately; one can only stay on the mountaintop so long. Even rejoicing becomes exhausting. After nearly nine months I find (I know, I know, duh) that I keep coming back to the same reality: this is still real. It's not going to change. Trent is not here. Graciously, God continues to constantly point my eyes to Him, to His truths, to His joys, to eternity.


But it's a battle. A battle that becomes ferociously intense at times. So I praise the Lord that He made me too stubborn deep down in my genetic core to refuse a good fight. My husband can attest. As can my sister who is too much the same way.


God is the author and perfecter of our faith. What He uses to grow me may not be what He uses to grow you. But are you growing? Are you fighting? Have you bowed to Jesus as Lord?


This trial leads me to recite over and over and over again the promises of Scripture. I put no confidence in the flesh; my God is sovereign; it is God's will that I should be sanctified, therefor I put my hope in God alone; I will strive to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer because I know that this present grief and suffering won't even be worth comparing to the glory of Jesus Christ that will be revealed; throughout it all God is refining me and proving my faith (and Himself).


Salvation, and God's word, and Jesus Himself continue to be my greatest joy. I look forward to eternity: not to next week, or next year, or when the goats are due, or the mortgage is paid off. I have never prayed "Lord, let your Kingdom come" with such a fervency and longing before this trial.


I stop often and look up at the stars and the moon at night. I have been known as of late to even stop on my walk up from the barn and just lay down in the cold grass to look up. Two kiddos looked at me odd the first time I was laying there, but soon found a comfortable spot of their own to gaze upon the heavens. One day I will know what the face of the God looks like who made those stars, and the sun, and the moon and put them in their place. Genesis 1:16 almost makes those little twinkling lights seem like an after thought when God was creating the universe. If the stars are the after thought, what then is the creation? What, then, is the worth of salvation? Especially considering that salvation cost the Creator His own Son?


It's as simple as "I love you, too, God." I think He wins. He does love me more. I'll just bask in that knowledge today.

7 comments:

Dicky Bird said...

Hard to believe at times isn't it - God loves us more - why? Why would He love us more...do we deserve it? No, His love is a gift - all we have to do is just receive it and accept it. Good post! Blessings from Ringle.

Shoshannah said...

Amen! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and helping to make mine richer today. May you feel the Lord's love stronger and stronger each day as your love for Him increases.

Sherry Sutherby http://russ-stickacres.blogspot.com/ said...

This post is simply beautiful Terri. You WILL hear those words..."...well done my..." Until then, your words guide many on the path of righteousness. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

Brenda said...

Content in His Love! It's a good place to be. :D

TheLazyJ said...

So which cranky sister could you be talking about?? I know it can't be me, just can't be me... Must be Brenda.

:)

Thanks for the good reminders. It shouldn't be a battle. It's good to rest in letting God win and love us best.

Renee said...

Good Morning!

I wanted to get with you and just let you know I posted on my blog about your interview. If you would rather I wouldn't I will be glad to take it off. I just know it will be awesome! So let me know. I will be joining that night also! Way out of my comfort zone, but I want to be there to actually talk to you!:))

DeanO said...

Wonderful post. God's love and mercy is amazing. You have a wonderful blog