I have found myself missing Trent so much the last couple of days. I miss his smile. I miss how he came up and rubbed my lower back with his fist. I miss how he was always there as my protector, whether I was talking with somebody or just trying to do something, he sensed it and was right there. I miss how he crawled in bed and snuggled in the morning. I miss how he always said goodnight, love you. I miss seeing him laying in his bed, waiting for his blessing, asking to snuggle. I miss how he always wanted to stay up late to watch Star Wars, and especially wanted me to stay up late with him. I miss how he loved to cook and was always whipping up something extra special, even if I didn't always like the extra seasonings or the wild game of the day. I miss his help in the barn, how he jumped in to do the heavy work. I miss him being here when the goats are born. I miss not seeing him roam the woods. I miss not seeing him ride his bike, or the 4-wheeler, or the snowmobile, or the short horses. I miss his giggle. I miss him not being here to clean the kitchen or do the dishes on Monday. I miss how he hated schoolwork and would only work hard on it so he could earn computer time or go outside. I miss his Bible questions. I miss his spiky hair-do and his long Ken-doll locks. I miss how he would be forced to shower only to have to go back and wash his hair in the sink because he "forgot" to wash it in the shower. I miss his long fingernails that he hated to trim. I miss all the holy shirts that he chose to wear over anything nice. I miss him coming down the steps in the morning in his PJ's. I miss him fighting with his brothers and sisters. I miss him talking with Lexi at night after he was supposed to be tucked in bed. I miss his horrible printing and spelling. I miss him teasing me about wearing his socks. I miss him running down to the barn in his underwear with Cole because they wanted to beat the guys in 8 Below. I miss him taking pictures. I miss him having fun with Thomas and Samuel. I miss him working for Russell and asking for a raise. I miss him looking at his hunting magazines and browsing the bait and tackle rows at Walmart. I miss him playing football and working so hard for his coaches. I just plain old miss him and eternity is seeming farther away. But I know where he is, and I still wouldn't want him back for a day. Lord, haste the day that I see my son again~ be my comforter as you promised to be. I do trust you in this and love that your ways are perfect.
5 comments:
Terri, I think of and pray for you often. Despite your unfailing faith and belief in God's ultimate works, I still can't begin to imagine your humanly grief. Hang in there.
Terri, I pray for you and your family every time the Lord brings you to my mind ... which is pretty often! Your post today is very touching. Can you imagine how our Heavenly Father misses his children who walk away from him?
I wish I could give you a hug. We continue to pray for you and my heart aches daily for your loss. Your faith has be inspiring to me to look deeper into everyday life. Continue your walk.
Reading that made me miss him! Made me cry too, 'cause my son is 12 and similar. It really could be any of us, and day and the Lord alone knows, and He is kind and He does what is right and just. We have to trust that, but oh, that isn't going to take the ache away honey. Love to you. Miss him all you want and do what you have to do to be comforted.
Terri, you are learning a lot in your grief. Thank you for sharing. I am grieving for a daughter who has run away, and is living a wasted life completely apart from God. That is grief as well. You will definitely see your son again.
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