Five Years Later

Five years later, and finally I hear the words I've longed for, "I just felt like giving you a hug." Followed by the sweetest hug I've gotten in a long time from an eight year old boy. They have been five patient years as I have been waiting for this magical time in adoption that I didn't realize wasn't already here.

I remember that after Grace came home there was something special about that anniversary date. I wasn't concerned at all about Micah prior to that hug. He is not needy or overtly affectionate, but rather a very content, happy kiddo that doesn't require much physical attention. That's why the arms encircling me, and the need for a mother's embrace, overwhelmed me. There were tears of joy stinging my eyes this time instead of tears of grief.

One of the things I look forward to in heaven is the hope that all of my children will be there. We had such a short time of enjoying five kids in our home. I imagine an eternity of having all my kids together again. Nothing exotic, just simple things: horseback rides, camping by the river, sitting at the supper table ... for eternity. No death, no tears, no goodbyes.

I have found that my focus is more and more on heaven these days. Trying to imagine it has exhausted me, so instead I find myself planning for it. Painting the girl's room and the upstairs hallway found me telling God what kind of a mansion I'd like in heaven. I laughed when I realized He would probably give me an old, run down farmhouse to fix up because I would enjoy that the most. Poor Rob~ good thing there's no marriage in heaven. I think he's had about all the old farmhouses he can handle.

A big old farmhouse, with a wrap around porch, spiral staircase, and acres and acres of privacy to raise goats, kids and horses would make me content for an eternity. All this, and no sin, no curse, no enemy to destroy. Walking there with my Savior for ever and ever and ever.

News of another teen age death struck our community yesterday. I woke up nearly sick for that mother today. How long, Oh Lord? How long until you come to reign?

The tears of grief flow as I force  myself to feel the immense pain of losing a child. Words won't form for cohesive prayer, so I allow the Holy Spirit to pray them for me. I realized that I am resorting to stuffing again, thinking that not feeling the feelings as I force them to stay in their pit may help. It hasn't before, but who knows? Maybe it will work this time.

So I make myself write a blog post. Make myself vulnerable. Talk about Jesus again. Scare the enemy a little more. Like Martin Luther said, "Why give Satan a vacation?"

Shriner's and Crooked Feet and 7 Years of History

It's hard to believe, but it's been 7 years since Grace came home from India, which means it has been over 9 years since God started us on this journey of international special needs adoption. The 20 months waiting for her to come home seemed to take longer than these many years of enjoying her as our daughter. The journey has certainly been one of God's making and now we can clearly see His direction in it. Hindsight is 20/20 they say, and certainly in this case that is true. As our plans and ideas were yielded to God's plan we have literally been witnesses to miracles. One of those miracles being Grace's feet. God first called me very clearly to adopt Grace the very day she was born. Of course I didn't know it at the time that it was her birth date; all I knew at that point was a burning, relentless passion to do whatever it took to bring home the child that God had waiting for us in India. Ideally (in our minds at the time) that child was of course a healthy beautiful little girl about 2-4 years old. What a surprise when we accepted the referral of a 10 month old little girl with bilateral club feet. We didn't even know what club feet were at the time, but what we did know was that this was our daughter. (Some time ago I started writing our story here and here and one day I really will finish it.) When Grace finally did come home at 19 months old she was one sick little girl. Within the first week of her being home we had her seen by a pediatrician at an international adoption clinic for her overall health. She was very malnourished~ a mere 15 pounds at 19 months old. Then it was on to the Shriner's hospital in the Twin Cities where we would start her treatment for club feet. Club feet is something that is normally treated at birth by casting or special shoes. In Grace's case she had no treatment at all until she was 20 months old so her feet were very rigid and they were actually so twisted that she was walking on the tops of her feet when she tried to walk. Throughout the adoption process God had answered many prayers already, but the one prayer that I kept praying about once we found out she had club feet was that God would heal her feet without surgery. After studying what club feet were, and the results of not treating them for so long, we understood that little other than complete reconstructive surgery could probably be done for her. We were encouraged to contact Shriner's about their services and found out that they were one of the few hospitals that were treating children using the Ponsetti casting method. Nearly every week we brought Grace down to see Chaz and Dr. Aadalen and have new casts put on her feet. One of the things that made it harder for everybody was that once we were given custody of Grace in India she clearly made it known that she did not like anybody with colored skin anymore (she bonded immediately with me, had very little contact with men at the orphanage, and we are guessing that anybody of color must have represented to her that she would be taken away again~ she was staying with the white people), and especially men. So when Chaz walked in every time to apply her casts and he was a black man we had double the trauma. I would sit her in my lap and try to hold her and one little leg so the doctors could wrap, shape and mold a new cast from her toes to her hips every week. It gave us all a work out for sure. Every week the casts would add just a bit more pressure to shape her little feet into the correct position and every week I would pray that surgery would not be needed. After about 2 months of casting it was decided that surgery needed to be scheduled, so we reluctantly made arrangements and went down to the hospital for surgery. After prepping her and waiting for her surgery time we got a visit from a lab tech talking about eocinophil counts that were too high so surgery had to be cancelled. After much talking and more blood work and doctor visits we later discovered that Grace had internal parasites (which should have been picked up from all of her previous blood work but wasn't) and could not have surgery. So we went through treatment for the parasites and continued the casting process every week. Surgery #2 was set up and we headed down to the cities again expecting pretty extensive foot surgery. Again her blood work came back as having a high eocinophil count even after treatment. More doctors and more blood work and more medicine later and we continued the casting process. Seven months after first starting the casting her blood work finally came back low enough that the doctors said she could have the surgery. We made all the arrangements again and Grace and I headed down to the cities, but first I stopped to pray with some members of our church my same old prayer that God would correct her feet without the surgery. Grace was checked in and everything was settled to have surgery in the morning. We spent the night in the hospital family rooms and then headed down to the surgical unit early in the morning. I can still clearly recall walking down that long hallway and a feeling of God's peace washing over me as I expected His miracle. The doctor's really did not know what to expect when they went in for surgery. The seven months of casting had united us all surrounding this little girl and the miracle we all hoped for. Grace was the second oldest child at 20 months (the oldest being 22 months) that they had used the Ponsetti casting method on. After a very short surgery Chaz and Dr. Aadalen came back into her room with beaming faces to tell me that they did not have to do anything to her feet. Because of the length of casting the only surgical procedure needed was to release her achilles tendons on her heels. Who would have ever thought we would be praising God for parasites? Praise the Lord! Chaz once told me that Grace was "the feather in his cap". After surgery she had several weeks more in a hard cast, then 4 years in a brace (starting in them 24 hours a day and weaning down to only using it at bedtime). Grace went back for check-ups every 6 months and now only has to go once a year. She doesn't remember much about the experience any more and still doesn't like Chaz very much, but she does like his Donald Duck voice. For all of us involved it is a yearly celebration of what God did, not only in her life, but in all of ours' as well to be able to watch it. Last week was one of those check-ups and Grandma Lee came with again. Grandma Lee came with us most of the time for Grace's casting appointments. Love you Mom! That meant so much to me:) X-ray's used to be a pretty traumatizing event, but went really good this time around. As long as Dr. Aadalen didn't have to touch her feet too much Grace was fine with him. And Chaz did his Donald Duck voice so he was all right, too. One exciting part of the appointment was that they asked if they could use Grace's case for a study that they were putting together for a research paper. "Gabriella" took photos and video of Grace's feet and they will include her in the results of their work of the past 10 years of using the Ponsetti method of casting to correct club feet. The favorite part of our trip~ picking out toys from the toy box when we're done. The very familiar hallway where we visited Chaz every week. It was very humbling to watch the prosthetics being made. It made me count my blessings again. Back home until next September.

Tiger Lillies

Did you know?

Tiger lillies have lots of red stuff in the middle that get's on your hands when you rub them.

Now you know!

And totally off subject, but I can't help but thinking it when I see these pictures... Did you know there was a time when this little girl was so malnourished that it took a whole year to get her stubbly hair to finally grow out and get soft? Now you know.

Micah's Frog Quilt

A nearly-30-hour-ER-weekend-shift-schedule equals a little nervous energy for me, so I decided to put it to good use yesterday and besides transplanting lilacs and oak trees, cleaning and reorganizing my room and sorting my clothes pile, I made this cute little quilt top for Micah. A neighbor lady had cleaned out her quilting stash a couple of months ago and this frog material was from some curtains she had in there. I have not made Micah a quilt just for him since he has been home. Grandma Lee made him one to bring with to India, and with the thoughts of limiting his attachment items I decided not to make one too quick. Now 2 1/2 years later I was feeling a bit guilty and finally had the gumption to start this one. It was the perfect theme as we had just been catching frogs together in the pond today.

It looks tricky, but it is actually a beginners pattern from the April 2010 Quilters World magazine that I received a free sample copy of. I just may be ordering myself a subscription as there are others in this one issue that I have marked to start to add to my stash of other half done projects. The little frogs peeking out are so cute!

And I love the prairie points!

There's one little boy who is excited for his mommy to get some blue flannel for the back, and there is another big boy who wants a frog quilt now too, as well as a certain little girl who has dug out her special India quilt again, and not to mention a dad who says he would really, really like a new quilt for his bed. Maybe this mom needs to go to another quilting retreat.

India Reports

As part of our adoption agreement with India we are required to send in child reports for the first 5 years that our kids are home. Grace has been home for 7 years so we are done with her reports, but Micah has only been home for 2 1/2 years. It gets interesting to write a different response to the same questions of physical and intellectual development, sleep habits, and family adaptation over and over again. How do you tell these people in an office somewhere in a foreign country how this child is an answer to your prayers and years of paperwork and heartache and longing and you love them more than you can imagine and how God ordained this very little one to be your son and you wouldn't care how naughty he was or what physical ailments he may have or how the bonding and adjustment is growing every day every moment in both of you all while trying to keep the peace of the nations by responding with what they want to hear to keep the adoption doors open so that others may follow in your footsteps all in a little 1"x8" space? Ahem.... and then there are the pictures. Now as I was looking for 4-6 photos to send in this quarter all I kept coming across was pictures like these.....

Or there were all those pictures of my sweet little dumpling working the farm.

I'm not sure that the BB gun would be the best one either.

Or the one of this sweet little boy in a freezer.

Ummm..... standing next to the edge of an open barn roof..... nope.

There's always the classic all time favorite mud picture.

I think I just may have to get him all spiffed up and take some cutsie pictures to send so they think we are normal people who really are worthy of taking care of this "naughty little boy who talks a lot". Maybe Traci was right!

Amazing Grace

We made our annual trip down to the Shriner's Hospital in September for Grace. Six years ago we brought Grace home from India at 19 months old with bilateral club feet. It is amazing how fast time goes! Normally club feet are treated at birth with casting or even as simply as reversing the shoes on a child's feet. Being that Grace had no medical care for her feet they had become severely twisted by the time she got home. When she would try to walk she would actually walk on the top of her feet. Within the first month of her homecoming we had started doctoring at the Shriner's Hospital in the Twin Cities. Before Grace came home I had done quite a bit of research on club feet and found that if surgery was need for correction there was often times pain that continued for the patients entire life. I specifically asked God to correct her feet without the surgery. 7 months of casting, several parasite treatments (parasites were what actually saved her from having any surgery ~ who would have thought we would be thanking God for parasites?!) an investigative surgery that resulted in only an achilles tendon release on both heel cords, no foot reconstruction, another few weeks of hard casts, and 4 years of braces later, we now only have to visit Dr. Aadalen and Chaz every year for a check-up. She was the second oldest child that they had treated for club feet using the Ponsetti method that did not need surgery for correction. One of these days I'll take the time to finish writing our adoption story and go into more detail, but for today we're just praising the Lord again for His amazing hand of healing and straightening these little feet.