The Busy Season

We wake up tired these days and go to bed even more tired yet. The sun starts shining earlier, and sets later, and our bodies believe that they have to keep up with it. As long as that orbiting ball of fire is making its trek across the sky we assume that there must still be time to finish one more project.

The last of the seven bottle calves are close to being weaned. The vast difference between the couple months of their births making the red and white steer appear tiny in contrast to its more mature counterparts. The Black Angus are dwarfed under the Holsteins tall, lanky forms, their growth appearing outward rather than up.

There are still five does milking, with a total of thirteen goats in all. Too many bucks make up the lot of them, with one Craigslist reply away from reducing our herd. Soon it will be weaning time for the kids as well, which puts another item on the never ending list: more goat fencing.

Our young replacement pullets are thriving, and the new clutch of Silkie chicks are protected well under the wings of their possessive momma. One little black fluff ball doesn't realize it is a Light Brahma mix  that was adopted into the Bantam family when we snuck some extra eggs under the broody hen. Soon it will tower over its siblings.

The garden is growing weeds faster than edible plants it seems, and if we don't catch up on our daily barrage we may just have to give up. Using all manual labor, busy hands digging deep in the sandy soil to remove pesky roots, makes for buff muscles and nice farmers tans.

Several new fruit trees are growing well- four peach and another pear, plus some Saskatoon blueberries that the deer seem to have acquired a taste for which continue to remind me that tree fencing needs to be wrote on that list as well. We are attempting blueberries yet again, hoping for a freezer full of them one year. There may be at least a taste for everybody in a few days if we can keep the birds away from them.

Overall, it's been another season of missing. Intensely missing my son. Longing for eternity to begin.

Almost too tired to even grieve, the pain still refuses to end. Flashbacks enjoy popping into my weary brain lately, attacking when I have little resolve to fight them off. The balance of living before the accident and after is continuous. Life goes on. A mother's heart doesn't want to. Joy is rarely ever bereft of the longing. Laughter only hides the scar, still too fresh to ignore. Somehow living here, longing to be there. Finding purpose in one more calf bottle, pulling one more weed, storing up one more treasure, praying one more prayer for all these young souls that surround me, hoping for hope, waiting for what is not yet.

I continue to be reminded that the year of the Lord's favor will come. He will:

"Provide for those who grieve in Zion-

to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness in the morning,

and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."

Isaiah 61:3

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 tells me to not grieve like those without hope, or even to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. I believe that Jesus died and rose again and also that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. The familiar words almost become rote in my tired state. I have repeated them so often that it becomes hard to make them exciting lately. I pray for God to wake me up to the gospel again, remembering those same words being uttered just before the accident.

Eternity.

I stop and ponder the word again. Eternity. Going insane wondering what Trent is doing there, wondering why mine is taking so long to begin. Wondering what to do in the meantime. Begging that my children would all be found there in Heaven together.

This Old House

Six years ago we had a dream: a dream to live off the land on a sustainable farm. So we bought an old, rundown farmstead and forged ahead, rose colored glasses and all. When the furnace started shooting out flames and the sewer, then the water pump amongst other major necessities, went out in the first year it was rather exciting to fix up the old place. Umpteen projects later, and the list only seems to be getting longer. We now have another dream: a dream to make the mortgage payments before something else breaks or all those sustainable farm animals run out of feed.

 

The latest project to rise to the top of the list was the girls' bedroom. We have successfully transformed most of the interior of the house into more modern accommodations, replacing the cool shag carpeting and deer paneling theme that the previous owners had worked so hard to achieve, by painting and wallpapering. But over the past couple of years the old lathe and plaster started to crack in one corner of the bedroom and then, soon after, it began falling onto unsuspecting victims in the middle of the night as they slept peacefully. The bed was eventually moved in an attempt to put off having to start yet another project until we could finish some of the current ones.

 

The plan was to remove the one section of lathe and plaster that was cracking with a piece of sheet rock and then texture it to match the rest of the room. But then there were complaints about the rough texture of the old walls, so Rob consented to scraping them all if the girls helped. Which led to exposing more cracks, which led to tearing off all of the old lathe and plaster, which led to an infestation of bees and multiple stings as two huge hives were discovered inside the walls, which led to discovering next-to-no insulation, and the need for new wiring, new insulation, and new sheet rock, which led to finishing the needed sheet rock work in the hallway and stairwell as long as we were going to have a big mess, which led to me working all the extra hours I got called in for to help pay for it.

 

The poor girls are still sleeping in the spare room, patiently waiting for a permanent place to hang their clothes rather than stacking them on the school shelves. Those images of vintage farmhouse bedrooms are still floating through their dreams as they wait for Rob to have the time to get back to working on their walls, but at least they're not interrupted by falling plaster.

It's That Time of Year

It's that time of year. The time of year that the critters start to escape their pastures to get to the grass that is always greener on the other side of the proverbial fence.

One large horse with only a piece of twine string between him and a lush supper rather than more dry hay isn't much of a match.

You see~ this rickety pieced together hodge-podged left over paneling fence is just waiting it's turn to one day have a beautiful wooden fence/dry lot and a real horse barn and even a swinging gate. One day. But not any day soon, so we'll just have to put up with it the way it is.

I Just Felt Like Moving Cement Today

I just felt like moving cement today. These days I pretty much do what feels good and being the sun was shining and I felt like it I convinced Alexis to help me tackle the sidewalk project down by the chicken coop. You see, we have this huge pile of cement and rocks sitting in our yard from the barn tear down project last summer. All the old, broken feed bunkers were tore out to make way for a working goat milking barn and were left in my yard. Last year I turned lemons into lemonade and made a little deck in the flower garden with some of the broken up pieces.

There were yet more pieces left so in my never stopping brain I envisioned a stone walk way leading from the chicken coop the boys helped me build all the way to the covered porch on that chicken coop.

I am dreaming of hollyhocks, and rocks, and flowers and no weeds.

We got as far as laying out the cement in a roughly curved sidewalk pattern.

The rest will just have to wait until I get in the mood to level big, heavy cement pieces.

We Had Our Plans

The weekend of Trent's accident was the weekend that we had planned to work on the goat barn. The huge remodeling project that we have been working on for nearly a year was to see great strides in those few days. God obviously had other plans for us that weekend. Part of His plans included humbling us and blessing us. Whether Trent died or not there were still goats due to deliver within days in a barn that was not ready for them. Half of the north wall was still open, the electricity was not finished to plug in heat lamps, stalls were needing to be finished and walls insulated and sheeted. God sent a huge group of men and boys to spend time in the bitter cold, refusing to hardly come into the house lest they bother us, offering their time, labor and materials to get work done that we could have never accomplished in a months time. Every time I walk into that barn and see what they have done I will again remember those men and God's provision for His children's physical needs (Lord, let me remember to pray for great blessings for them every time as well). Thank you, brothers in Christ, for being willing to be used. Now that we are able to function a bit better, and those goats that have kidded need to be milked (which is a therapy in itself), it was time to get back to working on the tack room and the milk room. A couple of weekends ago Rob started loading the trailer with yet another load of scrap metal that was laying around the farm and hauled 1,700 pounds to the scrap yard, which in turn became money to spend at Menard's for plywood and 2x4's. In just an afternoon we were able to get close to a wall up. The dreams of having a working goat barn are a bit closer.

Remember That Shed?

Remember that shed? That one we started way back last fall with all the left overs from the barn tear down? The one for the calves? The calves that have been bumped up to steer status since they have grown so much. Well.... Yippee Yay! Rob and Cole were able to get back to work on it the other day.

Cole was thrilled to climb up on the roof to help.

Even if he wasn't thrilled to get his picture taken for the umpteenth time.

I did my part by carrying the camera and offering advice~ "You could just put the steel siding up next since your out here anyway with that drill, honey, I bet you could have it done by supper time (it is now 7:00 and I have no idea what is for supper). What's that you say dear??"

It really does look good honey.

Even without the steel siding on, or the wooden fence up, or a real live swinging gate that doesn't require a twine string to tie it shut. Okay, okay, I'll go start supper now.

Oh Christmas Tree

It was almost a Christmas without a Christmas tree this year. Since we moved to the farm we happened upon a fun little tradition that we may never be able to escape from. One thing that our land has plenty of is pine trees. The farm had sat for nearly twenty years before we bought it with no farm work being done~ lots and lots of pine trees sprang up in that time. The tradition to cut our own Christmas tree started the first year we moved here when the kids and I took the new goats out for a walk and thought it would be fun to cut our own tree. The trees are the classic Charlie Brown Christmas trees, but it's the memories that count. We have had various modes of transportation to get the trees home. One year we used the snowmobile to pull several kids and a tree behind. There was a lot of laughing that year! Last year we enjoyed using the horses to haul it up (check it out here). This year there has been one thing after another (snowstorms, busyness in general, work) that has gotten in the way of getting out with Rob to cut down a tree. Finally the other night the kids and I headed out back in the dark in the search of the perfect tree. There were tall trees. And short trees. Last year Rob had to cut off several feet of the top of the tree just to get it in the door so we went with a little bit smaller tree this year. Of course in the dark it looked a little better than when we got it into the living room. We hauled out the decorations anyway and tried to spruce it up a bit. All the while laughing at the goofy looking thing!

Even the dog was embarrassed for us.

Martha Stewart I am not! I think next year we are adding a Christmas tree plot to The List.

I've Got Issues

Ourcrazyfarm has issues. That's what Blogger told me tonight when I finally took the time to visit my own blog and try to muster up some creative energy to post something worthwhile. Thanks blogger! As if I didn't already know that. It's been a crazy week around here that started with the flu and has ended up again with the flu. Last week it was me and it kept me down for a few days. Now today Cole is on the couch. In between there Micah had a fever and an ear ache one day and was complaining of his ear hurting again today. Rob and Alexis are finally over their sore throats. 'Tis the Season' I guess. Other than that I had another four day stretch of work at the hospital, mostly in the emergency room where there were lots of fresh new germs to share. This should be my last weekend for awhile now since the new gal is more than trained and is ready to work on her own. My casual position means that it is either feast or famine when I do work and this month it has been more on the feasting end. The extra hours are nice, especially since I am still considering which camera to buy. The new gal was also very nice and friendly (and bought 15 bars of soap!) and has a sincere desire to learn lots of farm girl stuff.

I missed my family and my critters and my little farm:) Of course everybody did just fine without me, but it does put everything into perspective a little when Mom is gone and it makes us all appreciate each other a little bit more. Distance makes the heart grow fonder they say.

Everybody is trying to get back into the school schedule after the holidays. These cold, short days make it hard to get excited about paper and pencil learning and make me want to just get out the quilting instead. We have settled for a little more chapter book time together and keep plugging away on the rest. I gave myself permission to finally switch some of our curriculum this late into the year without feeling guilty about wasting 3 months on a curriculum that wasn't working. Aaaahhh! That felt good! We went back to the McRuffy Phonics/Spelling/Writing/Reading program that we had used the last couple of years for the younger ones to everyone's relief. Micah was working on "b" sounds today~ baby, boy, bean, belly button, butt, you've got a bean in your belly button~ I think we all need some {warm} fresh air.

I did threaten Trent that he wouldn't get to go ice fishing until his English section was finished which has made my life a little bit easier. There's nothing like incentives in life. I think he has completed 20 pages in the last week alone and I have been reminded why I never did like prepositional phrases. High school is going well the second time around. Alexis is pretty independent this year, other than the occasional algebra question. Whoever thought I would be an algebra teacher? Grace is reading chapter books!! Yes, all you mothers of young homeschooled children, the day does actually come when all your little dumplings learn how to read and actually want to read chapter books. We have enjoyed several mornings of reading about Popcorn the horse snuggled on the recliner together.

On the farm front everything is pretty quiet. Round bales of hay and automatic waterers make winter chores pretty simple for right now. I am still hauling 2 pails of grain down from the garage until the feed room is finished in the barn (it's not even started at this point) for the calves and the goats, but it beats hauling 6 pails at each feeding like this summer when we had the big steers and the pigs. Chores can be done in 10 minutes or less if I'm in a hurry but usually I have to spend some time just gazing at the animals and pondering farm life. Find joy where you can, and alot of my joy comes from just having these critters to take care of.

I have been bringing the yearling horses into the barn on cold nights and enjoy just seeing them in there. Tonight I even brought all three at the same time by myself with only 2 pieces of twine string and 2 halters between them. For some reason the dozen lead ropes I bought last winter have nearly all disappeared. Nika walked right up to me to tie the string onto her halter~ quite a different horse than the one from this summer. I have been itching to ride but just can't justify the time yet. There are few things that top riding a horse bare back in the fresh snow.

The chickens are gone. I finally made up my mind and listed them on Craigslist. Within 12 hours or so we had half a dozen responses and were in the middle of negotiating a pick up time. The fancy new coop is now sitting empty. When he gets time Rob is going to get the wiring run to it (after he finishes wiring the goat barn) so that Cole can put his silkies out there (the silkies that are in my basement and growing bigger everyday). Cole and I are going through all the chicken magazines and online adds to decide when and where and what kind of chickens we are going to get next. I am partial to the Light Brahmas and rather than getting a hodge-podge of breeds this time I am thinking about going with one breed. We are also excited to raise some chickens for meat next spring. Last fall we butchered some of our old hens and some roosters and were quite proud of our new found farm skills...... until it was time to eat them. They were so tough and stringy that we pretty much decided we were done butchering chickens. That was until we tried the real deal of meat birds. Mmmmm-mmmm! 7 weeks of genetically engineered chicken is on the list for spring.

The puppy is growing so fast! Her little eyes are open and she is getting so big and fat! We did settle on the name Trouble. Nothing else seemed to fit. She is just a "Trouble" I guess. She still doesn't do much except eat, sleep and potty. In another week or so I am sure she will learn how to get out of her box and decide that it is fun to play. Who ever thought we would be a 3 dog family? I am beginning to wonder how I am ever going to get her to stay in the barn when she gets bigger. But somehow I'll have to draw the line if I ever want a spot on the couch again.

It Happens Every Day

Aaaahhhh! I love sitting on the little covered porch on the chicken coop in the mornings...... enjoying my coffee and the peace and quiet...... pondering thoughts of God and life and animals...... and then here it comes...... The sun peaks up over the horizon shining it's rays across the farm and floods the yard in it's glorious light. It happens every day. And then here come the dogs. And the kids. And then somebody bursts my little bubble and tells me to get back up on that ladder and help hold the steel. I'm coming!! I'm coming!!