An attempt to declare the Glory of God for what He has chosen to do with our lives. A legacy to leave to my children in the telling of it.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

I am Forty One


Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 
Hebrews 12:1

I am forty one. Too old to decide that running my first 5k might be a good idea. But also young enough to think that running my first 5k might be a good idea. I casually mentioned it to the kids, and the next thing I knew, I was out on the road, pounding pavement. As they whizzed by me, waving from the far off distance to their mother who was lagging behind, I wondered if maybe we shouldn't have just stuck to another Bible study or started a book club.

Half way through the mile introduction of walk/run, I was tempted to lay down and give up. As we passed the driveway for the first time around, I begged to turn in. Wallowing in the ditch would have been okay, too. But I kept going. One foot in front of the other.

And it hurt. And today it hurts worse, and I still have a mile jog to look forward to. Cole, my newly donned personal trainer, tells me that he'll adjust the schedule on week three if I still can't keep up. Groan. A long winter of sitting in my comfy computer chair has caught up with me.

Perseverance is not my strong suit. I want the instant glory. I want the tone abs and thighs without the pain. I want the medal of the race without the training. I realized that I don't particularly like even being in the race. The sidelines are fine. But nobody asked me if I wanted to be in the race of grief. I likened every step on that training course to grief. I started out strong. It felt good to stretch muscles that I knew were there. Until the stop sign kept getting further and further away no matter how many steps I seemed to take. The small victories - a telephone pole, a line in the road, a mailbox- spurred me on.

On my knees before God this morning, I felt like I did out there on that road yesterday. Like just laying down to have myself a pity party. I'm tired of this. I'm worn out. My heart feels ready to burst. But just one more step. One more step. One more step towards victory. I realized that the strength to continue doesn't depend on me on this faith walk. It's God who's waiting for me to wear myself out in my own strength, so that I finally depend on His. I never said that I wasn't slow.

I guess sometimes it's just a long way home.


8 comments:

TheLazyJ said...

I just told Jim this morning that people should wait until about March or April to make their New Year's Resolutions. It's about this time of year that we realize that one day soon we might want to put on tank tops and shorts! Ha!!!

Try Couch Potato to 5K. It's a good program to get you ready for those 3.1 miles. I've started Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred, besides Carrie on Mondays.

Remember, fellow 41-er, it's not pain you're feeling, but muscles growing! Spiritual as well as physical. :)

You know I love you!

OurCrazyFarm said...

Oh, yes, that wisdom makes the burning sensation so much more tolerable:))

Couch Potato to 5k is what the slave driver is using. I think he heard a favorite aunt talking about it.... thanks.

Love you, too #1!

Dicky Bird said...

Good for you. I hate to exersize. I know it is good to do it, so when I do, I struggle through it. Slow and steady wins the race. Good luck and keep up the "good fight"

Camille said...

Happy belated birthday my friend. Happy jogging! :) Hugs, Camille

Sherry Sutherby http://russ-stickacres.blogspot.com/ said...

Well done~! You old lady you...and your sister too! :) And keep running that race - both of them. xoxo Happy Belated!!

OurCrazyFarm said...

Thanks for the encouragement and the belated birthday wishes~ I've actually been "old" for quite a while now;) Every nice day Cole has us out walking/jogging. He's running circles around me, but I'm up to a mile and a half without collapsing.

Samantha Ferragamo said...

Hello my sweet friend in Wisconsin - Good for you! Loved reading your post today. I always said I'd run a marathon by the time I was 40. Came and almost went - never did it. I'll be 41 this August and at this point can only run maybe 2 miles (on a good day) without stopping :o) Want to work up to a goal together and plan to meet up for a race? I'll fly you down here! Fun!

Do you like to dance? Try Zumba! I have started doing it with Sam and Tessa and we have a blast! Have Cole do it with you - you'll both be on the floor laughing so hard that you'd get an awesome abdominal workout! Ha!

Hope you are well. Think of you often.

OurCrazyFarm said...

You are way ahead of me Erin~ I can barely walk/jog the slave driver's required 1 1/2 miles:) Yes, if I haven't broke a leg or passed out somewhere on our back roads I will take you up on your challenge... Marathon world here I come! (And a reply to your email is getting closer to the top of my list:))