Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Tuesday Morning Blogger
Well now I'm a Tuesday morning blogger! Actually, I tried to write a post last week, only to find that Blogger changed EVERYTHING on me which led to me melting into a puddle of tears right there before the screen of little blinking lights because it was the topper of weeks of computer problems (I can destroy yours, too, I'm sure) .... change I do not like. It is not even on my radar today to try to figure out how to assemble a post with aesthetically pleasing pictures; if I could even see my pictures on my post rather than HTML codes would be great; if I could even see the whole posting page would be great. More coffee, more coffee, quit shaking, Terri, quit shaking .....
A quick recap of the week:
* We now have four more farm critters. Baby kittens were born to Camilia: all white, and so cute if anybody is in need of mouse catchers this spring. No we're not keeping any; no, we're not. Not even the one sweety with the black dot on it's teeny-tiny-itsy-bitsy head.
* Cole acquired a new/used dirt bike. I have decided that I need to start a rabbit and chicken business of my own, 'cause I'm certainly not making enough raising goats to buy a dirt bike like he did. I seriously debated selling my horse and buying a pink dirt bike. I also decided that I was not going to attempt the two-by-four-boy-designed jumps when I could barely keep the bike upright, especially when I kept forgetting that squeezing the handle bars tight, in a pulling back "whoa" motion, does not mean stop. And had anybody given me a thorough tutorial on just where the brakes where located in the first place would have helped tremendously.
* Three calves are out of my barn and in the paddock outside. Yippee! For all you wanna-be's dreaming of raising calves, you will not quite know joy until you've experienced the excitement of having your life back when those mooing little black and white buggers are weaned and no longer require bottle's twice a day.
* Since I don't have enough to do, and in keeping up with the legacy of projects around here, the kids and I started building a screen porch. The hope is to construct it with as much salvaged lumber as possible. The frame is nearly complete, and we only have $7.49 invested. The screen and screen door are waiting, as is the flooring and decorations. Now I just need the gumption to work on it again, and then for Rob to move it a couple of feet with the skidsteer and mount it to the cement pad. I have dreams of actually completing the flower garden this year where it is located, but then again I have dreams of a writers loft and a front entryway, not to mention that pantry with the cute antique sink ....
* It snowed. In April. Today it's supposed to be sunny and we're hoping for 70's soon.
* I sold one of the beautiful, spotted bucklings. Two more goats look like they really are expecting. I had started to give up on them...
* School. Yes, we homeschool, and yes, we might beat Traci's family for once this year and be done by Memorial Day! Yay!
* I am a big, fat liar (well, not so fat, just the beginnings of a double chin that has me greatly concerned). I have been fighting, fighting, fighting such an intense spiritual battle this past week. You too? No? The enemy has nothing to attack? I have forgotten that it is a privelege to be counted worthy of trials. I prefer the pity party as of late. I have been having a hard time trying to grasp eternity, or the magnitude of God's glory, or why it matters so much.
But then I can feel the shift beginning, and I start to rise, ever so slowly from the pit; but still I rise and catch a glimpse of it again. I feel as if I'm barely holding on to it somedays. Do you see it? Do you get it? This whole "big" picture~ beyond you and me and our lifetimes, all the way into eternity; trying to figure out what really matters.
I was encouraged reading somewhere the other day that Scripture really is all sufficient, we don't need to look beyond for any outside affirmation of God, so I go back there even more. I love the book of John: continually Jesus reminds us, "I am telling you the truth!" Continually, I am reminded that that truth matters so much. The truth of believing in Jesus which leads to eternal life in heaven matters a whole lot to Trent right now. Oh Lord, haste the day when you reign. Reading Malachi this morning ... oh my, you'll have to go read it for yourself. What offering will I be bringing before my God?
So the big fat liar part?
It stopped me in my tracks when somebody casually asked me yesterday how I was doing. "Fine," I replied.
Liar ... Liar, liar pants on fire. I hide rather than be honest. Who wants honest anyway? Who wants hard stuff? Who wants God stuff?
More so I realize how we all tend to hold on to this world so tightly, as if it will last forever, with little thought about the next. Alexis and I have started "fighting" over blessing others~ eternal blessings for even a cup of cold water Jesus said. For eternity? "Let me get it. Let me rise; let me suffer; let me die to myself. Use me, Lord; here I am. Let your glory come shatter me." As scary as those words are to speak out loud, they are the utterings of my heart: to have the joy of knowing Jesus in His suffering. We will not know Him in His glory if we do not know Him in His suffering, it says in Romans.
I realize over and over, especially at 3:30 in the morning, how helpless I am to fight this battle. So I entrust myself all over again to the One who is capable.
* If I could find the spell check I'd try to edit this post. Until next time ....