Words have returned, what a refreshing welcome to lay down the consuming thoughts that insist on swirling in my brain, to give them a place to reside and rest, to relieve my heart from carrying them. The camera has hardly been thought of lately, maybe God will choose to restore that soon, too.
I have discovered recently that as hard as enduring the physical
separation of grief is, the unknowing of heaven itself is almost as
difficult.
“Where are you, Trent?” The first
words whispered while I stood next to that emergency room bed nearly
two years ago. The joke between my son and I for months prior to the
accident. The thoughts that won't be settled in my mind until I see
paradise firsthand.
Heaven, where the glory of God is seen
in its full. Where we will be welcomed onto the throne with Jesus
himself. Where every tear, and every sin, will be wiped away. Where
multitudes of angels dwell. Where Paul saw the inexpressible things
that man is not permitted to tell. Where martyrs under the alter are
crying out, “How long, Oh Lord?” The same plea I cry every
morning.
The slow insanity of grief comes in the
everyday trickling of “normal.” Trying to make this world the
normal when Scripture says it is the temporary. Hebrews 2:14-15 tells
us that Jesus shared in our humanity, the children of flesh and
blood, so that by His death the power of death- that is, the devil-
would be destroyed. He freed His children from the very fear of
death; a fear that holds us in slavery.
To think, this very day, that my son is
before this Savior while I am consumed by living here. The mortgage
has to be paid, there are three meals to plan and prepare again, farm
chores to be attended to, little people to love, all while so much
pain and suffering is evident all around me, lost souls are
everywhere, eternities are looming.
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