I had to repent yet again the other
day. As I was driving along, by myself, which was probably why the
complete thought occurred, I realized that my greatest desire for my
children is still that they would thrive in this world. That they
would be comfortable, successful, loved and praised here. That they
would look for, and find, their joy now rather than seeking and
longing for it in eternity.
The humbling had come a few days after
a conversation with Alexis where she accidentally mentioned a wound
she had been given quite some time ago. Her nosy mother pressed her
for details and got upset enough for the both of us, then I proceeded
to go into momma-bear mode in order to protect her from every mean
teen-age girl in the universe. My pride swelled for this daughter
that I adore so much that I hardly noticed her godly approach to the
matter that had already been forgiven and dealt with by her.
“If the world hates you,
keep in mind that it hated me first.” John 15:18
A few days later God used that verse to
align my soul back to reality. If the world hates Alexis, keep in
mind that it hated Jesus first. Keep in mind that it reveals my
daughter's allegiance to her King. Keep in mind that it hates her
because she shines Light. Keep in mind that the world will not be her
friend and will continue to hate her as long as Christ keeps her
faithfully bearing witness for Him.
As I was praying this morning, sending
up my petitions to the Almighty for my children (salvation,
character, bold witnesses, love for Scripture) I revisited this
little incident as I got to Alexis' name. Praying for her future, my
thoughts went immediately to happy scenes: a happy college
experience, followed by a happy missions experience, followed by a
happy marriage and child raising experience, followed by a happy
death in her sleep at ninety-two where upon she faces God with little
to nothing to have to give account to for trusting Him because her
life was so simple and indulgent that she never needed Him. Amen.
Tears came because, on the surface,
that is what I want for my daughter. I know the alternative: pain,
hurt and brokenness which would result in a desperate need for her
Savior. My flesh wants the easy path for her, while at the same time
I know which road will lead her closer to Christ. As scary as it was
to pray, I handed her over again to this God whose ways are higher
than mine, as far as the heavens are from the sky, and trusted His
plans for my daughter. Attempting to see into eternity, I prayed for
more than what this world has to offer her. I prayed for that hurt,
that brokenness, that desperate need for God. If it keeps her soul
awake to eternity, I would rather have her uncomfortable here.
Now I'm going to start praying that God
would give her mother the strength to watch Him work His glory in her
life.
What a beautiful post. I have that mama bear streak too. It is hard to let go of things that hurt us. What a Godly example of Alexis that she had already forgiven. This is a good lesson for us mama bears!
ReplyDeleteYour motherly instincts kicked in. Since losing my son mine have went into over drive at times. My though is we have lived such a loss and watched how it has effected each of our children and we just want to protect them from any more. But as you said she had already forgiven. That means you trained her up in the Lord's word and her heart it right. I've had to repent for how I feel about the surviving boy in the crash my son was killed in more than once. I don't want to create bitterness in my other children to carry all their earthly life and miss out on eternity in heaven because I carried bitterness I passed on to them. We all want our children to excell. That's what mamas hope for. But your so right eternity is what counts. Hugs
ReplyDelete:) Love this. Wish we lived closer and our kids could "hang out" together. I think they might get along well. Blessing to you and the family this year.
ReplyDeleteMy sister is struggling with her adult sons actions. She recently told me that she is praying for his failure, for him to be caught and possibly jailed for his actions (alcohol abuse) I didn't fully understand her intentions until I read your post today. Thank you
ReplyDeleteIt's such a beautiful (and many times humbling) thing to see our daughters act out the faith that we have preached for years, yet too often forget in the moment. Yes, I'm guilty too -blush-
ReplyDeleteThanks for the timely reminder about where true success lies. Hugs to you all!