I've been in survival mode here for the past couple of weeks. It all started with what I thought was just being tired from vacation, which turned into what I assumed was allergies, and finally turned into a full blown head cold. Days have gone by now of constant coughing and barely any sleeping, which has done little to help with my naturally cheery disposition about life.
If I haven't been coughing I've been out in the garden weeding, all the while chanting, "I will gain dominion! I will gain dominion!"
As the record stands, the weeds are winning.
After reminding the other people in this house that combined they eat more around here than I do, I got some half-hearted helpers, until finally I turned to my old standby: bribery. Yes, my sweet dumpling pies, weeding seven rows of potatoes is worth a little plastic whirling fan. They have two rows to go.
We harvested our first produce: radishes. Mmm-mmm! Radish sandwiches for lunch! White bread, butter, radishes and salt.
And the arial garden views your wondering about .... the latest addition to the never ending list: this old farmhouse needs a new roof. If it isn't a furnace shooting flames or a failing sewer, its leaking ceilings. Another opportunity to watch God provide. After discussing our life insurance policy, I consented to climbing up on the rooftop with Rob and holding the ladder while he climbed to the peak and leaned over to patch the worst spot and then take pictures for the insurance company. I'm thinking I'll go with blue shingles this round ...
A friend of ours died and presumably went to hell this weekend. I'm still trying to process the reality of it, too. I'm sure he wasn't planning on it when he got out of bed that morning. I'm sure he figured he'd get at least another day to really take this God stuff seriously. My mind wants to go numb. It wants to pretend there is no hell. It wants to pretend that sin has no eternal consequence. It wants to pretend that salvation can look worldly and still be salvation because he was my friend. The evidence was too real, though: his lifestyle did not leave any convincing evidence of being transformed by Christ.
I am so ready for eternity to begin. I am so ready for Jesus to come and reign. I wonder how much more; how much more ... how many more.
So I tell my kids again what we have already started to get used to: we're all going to die. When we do, I'm sure we'll be surprised that it was so soon; that it was us.
I've cried myself to sleep most nights again. Tears for missing Trent intermingled with tears for a boy who woke up to no father on father's day. Tears for the reality of a sin-filled world. Tears because I chose to not stuff the pain, but rather feel it and look at it and call it what it is.
And then I go weed again, because weeds are easy. And a leaking roof doesn't matter so much.
Thanks for being so real and transparent in this time of grief and learning a new kind of normal. Is there such a thing? Thanks for still seeing the big picture...that God wants all of us to acknowledge our need for a Savior.
ReplyDeleteGood post! Weeds, mine were so tall yesterday, that I accidentally pulled burning nettles...why did God create burning nettles...I'm sure they have a purpose. My hands were numb and tingly all day. Blessings from Ringle. How were the storms by you?
ReplyDeleteweeds.....ugh.... Hope you feel better soon! "Another Opportunity to watch God provide"....I like that a lot..
ReplyDeletePraying for you, sister in Christ! May He dry your tears, lift your head and annoint you with the oil of gladness....In His love, Teresa
ReplyDeleteOh, dear Terri, not a day goes by without thoughts of your Crazy Farm one state away. Please keep spreading the news about the glorious gift of Salvation. My heart is so saddened by those who are slow to acknowledge the Holy Spirit. We must keep moving forward. Count it all Joy...even the weeds, eh? (lol)
ReplyDeleteYes, I too look forward to death in order to experience life. In the meantime I find weeding to be the most enjoyable job on our farm.So easy. Yank and the evil is GONE.
ReplyDeleteYour "friend" went to hell? Presumably, you knew precisely what was in his heart. Presumably, you knew what sort of relationship he had with God. Presumably, since he didn't write a self-congratulatory blog about his "Christianity", he is going to hell. Shame on you. You might not have approved of his life, but God wouldn't approve of your judging it.
ReplyDeleteYour "friend" is going to hell? How lucky he was, to call you a friend. Presumably, you knew what was in his heart. Presumably, you knew what his relationship with God was all about. Presumably, since he didn't write a self-serving blog about his supposed "Christianity", he is going to hell. Shame on you. Only God can judge, isn't that right? You might not have approved of your "friend", but most Christians wouldn't approve of your self-righteous sanctimony. Neither would God.
ReplyDeleteMatthew 7:2 - 5
ReplyDeleteJudging Others
2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brothers eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?
Terri, sorry for the rude comments. I didn't find your thoughts on our friend as judgemental, just as honest. There wasn't much too see in his life of his serving God. I pray that I am wrong, that he was saved, but God is serious about hell. A knowledge of God is different than serving him. Deceiving ourselves or each other does none of us any good. We are told to examine ourselves to see if we are in the faith. I did not perceive you as judging, but as merely warning others, reminding them that God is serious, begging them to open their eyes. Praying for these commenters. Glad to see that God IS working in them, that they are searching scripture as well. Sorry they judged you...
ReplyDeleteIf we have any understanding of scripture, it is clear how a Christian should look. A Christian should be obvious, not ashamed of their God that they claim allegience to.
Yes, we are all sinners, but transformation should be evident in our life if the Holy Spirit is indeed living in us through our belief in Jesus Christ. Here in Packer land, it's easy to tell the Packer fans from the Vikings fans; hence shouldn't it be easy to tell the Christ followers from the non-Christ followers???
If this person knew our friend, and that is why they are so upset, and they know this person to have been a Christian, please, bring that information forward! I would love to be proved wrong, and here how he secretly loved our savior! Maybe this commenter is struggling with their own loss of a loved one in hell? This is hard, real stuff, stuff we need to turn to God with.
God does send people to hell, and he is good and sovereign in that, as much as our feeble brains struggle to rejoice in that. Praying, praying, praying for this commenter to read your post (and your blog) again, to see that your real intent and your heart is to glorify God, to know him more and more, and most of all, to present to people that GOD IS SERIOUS.
Just a few thoughts and verses for klsj and salstar:
2 Corinthians 13:5 Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you--unless, of course, you fail the test?
Matthew 7:16 By their fruit you will recognize them (people of faith). Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?
1 Samuel 24:13 As the old saying goes, 'From evildoers come evil deeds,' so my hand will not touch you.
Proverbs 20:11 Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right.
Lamentations 3:40 Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD.
Isaiah 42:24-25
24 Who handed Jacob over to become loot, and Israel to the plunderers? Was it not the Lord,against whom we have sinned?
For they would not follow his ways; they did not obey his law.
25 So he poured out on them his burning anger, the violence of war.
It enveloped them in flames, yet they did not understand; it consumed them, but they did not take it to heart.
Curious that klsj and salstar appear to have just created their accounts to post negatively on your blog. If they're followers, I hope that they would be honest with you about they're thoughts, not mean and posting nearly anonomously. Wouldn't the proper Christian thing to have done been to go to their Chrisian sister first? Not public on a blog?
ReplyDeleteIf they just started reading, and don't like your blog, they have the choice not to read it.
I have to say that I find your blog as self-serving too, serving to make yourself honest about your relationship with God, and accountable in your grief. My thought is that this is perceived as self-righteous as others compare their faith to yours, rather than look to Christ. Honestly, I congratulate you in your faith in Christ through the journey that he has you on. Most of us would not stand as you are able to in the midst of these storms. All glory to God for his workings in your life, and for not diminishing your desire to spread his Truth, even the truth that people go to hell, a tough subject for sure. By and far the hardest teaching of Christ, especially when we have loved ones that are evidently not following.
Keep saying it loud. Do not be ashamed of our Father, nor his teachings. Don't let people afraid to even tell you who they are quiet your voice. YOU ARE serving your father.
Praying, praying, praying for these commenters that you are touching; at least in their anger they are thinking about God. Sorry it was vented to you. Often times anger is directed to the messenger, when it should really create a look into our own hearts and sins. Presumably they know you very well, your heart, and your intentions in this blog.
Sorry to keep going on about this... Guess God's using this in my life as well. I just can't do hypocrisy of His words and teachings. Our feelings don't matter in this. The truth does.
Love you.