My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him.
Psalm 62:5 (NKJV)
What I found lying on the bedroom floor, crying and broken, was everything that I had tried to stuff too deep. I found the pain that I refused to feel, the burdens that I had carried too long, the pride that I thought I was entitled to, the fears that I couldn't manage, the release that could only be found at the foot of Christ's cross. I found the freedom to live exposed. Exposed to myself, exposed to others, exposed to God Himself. I felt my smallness; and eternities greatness. I realized that when it comes right down to it, all that really matters is the state of my soul before God. Am I obedient, am I seeking, am I trusting, am I surrendering? Is Jesus glorified? Or am I still glorifying myself; ultimately putting myself in His position? Have I let Him be God? Have I surrendered to His sovereignty? Have I quit kicking and fighting and writhing under His ways? Have I yielded my personal rights and expectations to God? Have I truly yielded them to accept being shattered? Again . . . today . . . fighting the good fight.
This post is so raw and honest. It prompted me to go back and read Trent's story. I just want to honor you for walking on in your journey, through the pain. It's those moments on the floor that let God lift us up. Bless you. I'm glad you have a twin sister with you through all of it.
ReplyDeleteYou help keep me on my knees. And, my soul open before God. May He bless and keep you.
ReplyDeletelooks like you found some pretty important things on that floor sister. Love ya
ReplyDeleteI think of your tear stained floor, and worn knees over these last 10+ months, and ache at the thought of your daily struggle. The scars you carry from the loss of Trent remind me (and many others) of our daily walk with Christ. I am truly a better Christian for walking along side you this past year Terri. Know we are all there, willing to steady your walk. But in the end, as you know, only He can do that, like He has done these past months. One day at a time. Blessings will start to outweigh the hurt, or at least distract you and give you a respite. Hang on dear friend, and know we are all here for you.
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